Your divorce papers have finally been signed, and you have obtained a judgment of divorce. Maybe your divorce ended amicably, or maybe it was full of turmoil. Whatever the situation, going through a divorce can leave you feeling lonely and like you have lost a part of yourself and a part of your past. That does not mean you cannot reinvent yourself and enjoy a bright future. Now that you are single and ready to start your new normal, you can focus your attention on reinventing your “new you” with the following 10 steps.
1. Give Yourself Time to Grieve
Maybe you feel like you are not able to bounce back as quickly as he wanted to after your divorce. That is okay. Your divorce represents an essential part of your life and a painful ending to your marriage. It is normal to feel a wide range of emotions, such as relief, grief, anger, or possibly regret. Give yourself time to work through all of these emotions and allow yourself to feel them. You may want to consider working with a therapist specializing in people getting divorced.
2. Take Time to Self-Reflect
After getting divorced, take time to reflect on yourself and the experience you just went through. You may feel like you do not know who you are anymore, especially if you were married for a long time. You may have had to change your hopes and dreams to accommodate your spouse or your marriage. Now it is time to think about who you are as a person in the present so you can begin to shape a fresh view of who you would like to become going forward.
3. Avoid Spending Too Much Time Thinking About Your Ex-Spouse
It can be tempting to live in the past after divorce and spend time ruminating about your ex-spouse. Remember, your ex-spouse is also trying to move on with his or her new life, and you do not want to play the comparison game. It does not matter what your ex is dating someone new, starting a new career, or anything else. Do not spend time obsessing over their social media posts or thinking about what they are doing now. Similarly, it does not matter what your ex-spouse feels about your new lifestyle either. You are currently in charge of your new normal.
4. Embrace Your New Normal
Think about all of the things that your marriage has prevented you from doing. Now that you are single, you may be able to do things you never could do while you were married. Maybe you have to pick up the groceries on the way home from work or learn how to mow the lawn now. Think of these as new experiences that can help you grow into a better person. Instead of worrying about them, embrace them and try to engage in new activities.
5. Start a New Activity and Hobby
Going through a divorce is often one of the most stressful experiences people go through and their lives. You probably did not have time to enjoy your favorite activities while you were going through a divorce. Now you can pursue the activities that you have always wanted to spend more time on or try for the first time. Find something that you enjoy, and that relaxes you that you can do on a regular basis. Set aside time every night to write, take a cooking class, or join a yoga studio, giving you a chance to focus on your own personal development.
6. Do Something Out of Your Comfort Zone
The very act of reinventing yourself means changing what you have always done. What is something that you would never do because it is outside of your comfort zone, but you have always been interested in doing? Make plans to do it. Whether you decide to run a marathon, take a vacation to a place you have never been, or start ballroom dancing classes, you will feel more confident and know that you are reinventing yourself for the future.
7. Spend Time With Different Types of People
Getting divorced can create challenges in people’s social lives. Perhaps some of your friends no longer want to be friends with you because of the divorce and their loyalty to your ex-spouse. Now that you are divorced, you may want to widen your circle of friends. You can spend time with whomever you would like to spend time with, whether or not you are ready to date again. You can find a support group, sign up for a class, meet with friends at the dog park. Your friends can enhance your perspective on who you want to be going forward.
8. Set Goals for Your Future
After getting divorced, your future is in your hands, and the sky’s the limit. Now that the divorce is over, you may be wondering how to move forward. One way to reinvent yourself is to begin setting new goals that you can work toward. Perhaps you should consider setting some career goals or planning on a vacation or purchasing a new house or vehicle.
9. Change Your Look
Changing your love can be a fun way to show the world that you are ready to reinvent yourself. Is there a haircut or color you have always wanted to try? Would you like to freshen up your wardrobe to symbolize the new you? All of these changes can help you reinvent yourself.
10. Do Not Settle for the Same
One of the most essential aspects of reinventing yourself after a divorce is not going back to the same life and person you used to be. Take some time to think about the parts of yourself that you have always left, before, during, and after your divorce. Do not let go of those aspects of yourself. However, it is important that you do not settle for the same, especially when you are ready to get back into the dating world. Loving again after a divorce can be difficult, but you should practice self-love daily. Get to know yourself and take some time to consider how you will refuse to settle for the same negative aspects of your past.