This is the fourth article in our six part Common Causes of Divorce series. Links to the other articles are at the bottom of the page.
Many of us spend hours on our cell phones, laptops, and tablets every day. Technology can be helpful in various ways, but it can also make it easier for people to have emotional affairs through texting. When we are already glued to our phones, it can be tempting to text someone other than a spouse frequently. As the texting goes on, the people involved may begin to develop a romantic relationship outside of a friendship.
Has Your Spouse Started an Emotional Affair Through Texting?
You are not alone if you are concerned that your spouse has started an emotional affair through texting. We will explore some of the connections between texting and an emotional affair and shed light on how to determine whether your marriage is still workable or whether you may want to consider filing for divorce. Whether you have evidence that your spouse has been involved in an emotional affair, or you simply suspect your spouse of a texting affair, it is essential to trust your instincts. Here are some things to think about as you process Your feelings and decide what the future holds.
Has Your Partner Been Hiding His or Her Phone?
Even if your partner has not had a physical relationship with someone outside of the marriage, secrecy is a pretty dependable sign that your partner has something to hide. If you have learned that your spouse has a secret phone stash in a drawer or has been hiding his or her cell phone from you, this is a sign that an emotional affair through texting could be happening.
Perhaps you noticed that your spouse has been texting way more than normal. You might even bring this fact up. If you see your spouse trying to hide his or her cell phone from you so you cannot see the messages or turn off notifications, this could be a sign that he or she is engaging in inappropriate conversations with someone else. If your spouse is only messaging a supposedly platonic friend, you should not feel secretive or try to hide anything from you. How long has this behavior been going on? The longer it has been going on, the more likely it is that a relationship based on texting has developed.
Can Your Spouse Not Stop Talking About a New Friend?
Getting married can change your friendships with other people. Your interest may change, and you may end up drifting away from some friends and developing new friends as a married couple. Meeting new friends is normal, but if you notice your spouse becoming obsessed about talking about a new friend, an emotional affair may be happening. Married couples will not always have excitement in their relationship. Still, if one person is much more excited about a new friend than spending time with a spouse, it is a warning sign that an emotional affair could be happening.
Your Spouse is Changing Their Schedule
Changing a work or personal schedule is another sign of an emotional affair through texting. For example, suppose a husband and wife usually watch TV together after putting their kids to bed on weeknights. Perhaps the husband begins going for long walks after putting the kids to bed with his or her phone. The wife sees him texting as he leaves every night. Alternatively, one of the spouses may change his or her work schedule and not have a reason to do so. If you find that your spouse has been called in for long hours, but there is not any extra money coming in, your spouse may be spending the time with a third person, not on work.
What if My Spouse Claims it is a Friendship, Not an Emotional Affair?
Sexual affairs are devastating, but they are relatively easy to spot. Emotional affairs are more challenging to diagnose. Sometimes there is a fine line between an innocent friendship and an emotional affair that threatens your marriage. If you confront your spouse about an alleged emotional affair, they may become angry and claim that the person in question is only a new friend. What should you do if your spouse is claiming that this is simply friendship?
First of all, it is essential that you do not ignore the issue. Your spouse should be able to communicate with you and validate your feelings of concern about the relationship. Many friendships have turned into an emotional affair through ongoing texting. The question at the heart of the issue is whether your spouse’s new friend is beginning to replace you and the unique role you play in your spouse’s life. If you are concerned that your spouse is spending more time texting a friend than talking to you, or you are worried about them talking about intimate topics that should only be discussed with the spouse, the relationship has probably crossed over into an emotional affair.
Friendships Can Easily Cross The Line Into Emotional Affairs
Whatever the changes, you will know that a friendship has crossed the line when it becomes more profound, more intimate, and more time-consuming than the time your spouse spends with you. If you determine that your spouse is having an emotional affair and not simply a friendship, you should not let the third party stand in the way of your marriage. If both you and your spouse are committed to working through the issue, you can come out stronger. However, suppose your spouse continues to deny, dismiss, downplay, or even attack you for bringing up the emotional affair. In that case, this may be a sign that your spouse is not interested in fighting for your marriage.
Discuss Your Case With Divorce Concierge
If your spouse has had additional emotional affairs and is not willing to stop and work on your marriage, you may be considering filing for divorce. At Divorce Concierge, we provide clients with innovative, affordable legal representation. We offer package plans that allow clients to get divorced smoothly and on their own terms for those seeking a no-fault divorce in Texas. If you consider getting divorced, contact Divorce Concierge today to learn more about our unique divorce services.