This is the third article in our six part Common Causes of Divorce series. Links to the other articles are at the bottom of the page.
If you are struggling with a sexless marriage, you are not alone. This is an increasingly common problem for many people, but that does not make it less devastating. Many people look forward to being able to enjoy having sex with their partner while they are married. In some cases, and for various reasons, married people do not have sex at all or very rarely have sex. If you are in a sexless marriage, you may be wondering whether you should leave. We will discuss some of the factors people in a sexless marriage may want to consider when deciding whether or not to pursue divorce.
Is Sexless Marriage a Cause or a Symptom?
The lack of sex in a marriage can be a red flag for a couple to notice that their relationship has broken down. Sometimes a lack of sex is due to serious issues in a relationship, such as a lack of trust. In other cases, a lack of sex is due to lifestyles such as leading a busy life full of work, children, relatives, and other activities. One spouse may be fine with a sexless marriage, while another spouse may be devastated and feel like the lack of sex shows that their relationship is failing. Taking some time to consider whether both partners are too busy or exhausted do you have sex, or whether there are deeper issues, can be helpful.
Can a Change in Life Circumstances Aid the Marriage?
When one or both spouses are unhappy about having a sexless marriage, they should consider whether they can make changes to accommodate sex. Think about whether the lack of sex is due to circumstances that will eventually go away. For example, do you have two children under the age of 3 with stressful jobs and long hours at work? Has one person been ill? These circumstances may end up changing. If one spouse feels exhausted and does not have the desire to have sex due to low libido, that person may be able to see medical help, and the couple may be able to change their schedule and cancel activities to address the sexual dry spell.
In some cases, one spouse may be fine with a sexless marriage. The other spouse may not be okay with this scenario, however. Take some time to consider whether you and your spouse can adequately discuss your expectations for your sexual relationship. Many marriage and family experts recommend spending at least one solid hour to 90 minutes a week talking with their partners. Not only will doing this help the couple run their household smoothly, but it will also keep them tied together emotionally.
You may want to set aside time to discuss the lack of sex in your marriage with your partner. If your partner is willing to do so, you may want to consider therapy. A therapist can provide practical tips for increasing the amount of physical intimacy between a couple. Unfortunately, some spouses will not be willing to communicate effectively about their marriage. Suppose you have been trying to talk to your spouse about your sex with marriage, and your spouse is not interested in reciprocating. In that case, it will be difficult, if not impossible, for you to make changes to your marriage for the better. In these scenarios, you may want to consider divorce.
Is Your Partner Refusing to Work on the Issues?
Discussing and working on sexual issues in a marriage takes honesty, collaboration, and courage. Sometimes it can be easier for couples to decide that they just will not have sex than to deal with the unpredictable emotions and hurt feelings that cam was discussing their sexual life. If you and your spouse are not willing to tackle the issue of your sexless marriage head on, things will probably get worse over time. The longer most couples go without sex, the more they feel they do not want sex or are not interested in sex. If your spouse is not interested in doing any hard work to address your lack of sex, it may be a sign that divorce is the best option for your future.
Are There Other Significant Issues Involved?
Step back and consider whether not having sex is the only major issue in your marriage. In many cases, there could be other serious issues. Sometimes a lack of sex from a spouse is a sign that that spouse is having an affair, but not always. Perhaps the spouse who suddenly loses interest in having sex has become addicted to pornography. Are you having other communication problems besides the lack of sex? A lack of sex can be a red flag that you need to get help for your marriage. It could also be a sign that you and your spouse have fallen out of love and are no longer compatible.
It is certainly possible for two people who still love each other to find themselves in a sexless marriage, especially if both people have different sexual needs. Perhaps your desires regarding sex have changed while your spouse’s have not, or maybe both of your preferences of change. Change does happen, especially in long-term relationships. However, if your partner is no longer willing to communicate with you about his or her preferences and work on solutions in your marriage, it may be time to move on.
Discuss Your Case With a Texas Divorce Attorney
If you are considering leaving your marriage, discussing your case with an attorney can be helpful. At Divorce Concierge, we can be your guide to what your new normal can be like after going through a divorce. After answering a few questions, you can see if working with Divorce Concierge is the right solution for you. You will work with an experienced family law attorney who can help you make the best decision for your future. Contact Divorce Concierge in McKinney, Texas today.